McSkinny
by Vladimir Popov
Summary: McGee just wanted to be skinny. Anorexia/bulimia.
1. Chapter 1

I've battled anorexia for a little less than a year. I noticed that Sean Murray lost weight and this story popped into my head.

**I am not implying that Sean Murray has an eating disorder.**

* * *

His stomach growled, demanding food. He curled into a ball, trying to make the growling go away. What was he doing to himself? He was killing himself ever so slowly and he couldn't help it. He remembered when his team members use to tease him about his weight. They didn't know it but he took the teasing seriously and stopped eating. First it was sweets, then junk food, and then fruit. Soon vegetables would be joining the list.

He remembered going to a family reunion a few months back and his sister commenting about his size.

'_Tim you lost so much weight! You look anorexic now!' Sarah McGee had commented. _

He knew his sister was joking but McGee searched up 'anorexia' anyways. He knew he didn't have it, only girls get anorexia. But he could soon not deny it. He did suffer from anorexia. All the symptoms matched. He kept searching, but all the resources he found where about women nothing about men.

More than once he had wanted to get help but admitting he had a women's disease wasn't exactly something he wanted to do. He could just imagine what DiNozzo would say: _'McGee is a he-she!'_

He didn't want that, he just wanted to be skinny. It wasn't that much to ask for was it?

He closed his eyes and let the tears slid down his face.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, you convinced me to make this a multi-chapter fic.

**I want to say if you or anybody you know is exhibiting signs of an eating disorder, please get help. **

**Eating disorders are not glamorous, they are not fun. They are hell on earth.**

* * *

What woke him up was not the alarm clock seated on the night stand; it was his stomach demanding food. Slowly, Timothy McGee rose from the comfort of his bed to get ready for work. But, like every other day, he did not get more than five steps when a wave of dizziness struck him. He eased himself down and waited until it passed. After he was sure that he would not collapse, he continued to walk towards the washroom. Once he had reached it, the first thing he did was step on his scale, more out of habit than anything else. He waited a few seconds and his weight flashed on the display screen.

_150.3 lbs._

McGee got off the scale and picked it up. Underneath it was a piece of paper with a list of numbers on it. The last number was 150.5. That meant he had lost 0.2 pounds since yesterday.

Placing the scale and paper back, he decided to take a quick shower. Like always, he made sure the water was icy cold. Taking cold showers caused the body to burn off calories to warm it up. He remembered when he first took one of his icy showers, he had immediately ran out of the shower but slowly he had gotten use to it.

Still shivering, he dried his body off. Looking directly into his reflection, he ran his fingers across his chest, feeling his ribcage. Stretching his arms up, he saw each rib. He dropped his arms and touched his hipbones. He could feel the bones but still, he couldn't see them. It drove him insane. One day, he was going to see them.

Squirting a giant blob of toothpaste onto his toothbrush, he brushed his teeth, making sure he had a minty fresh breath. Having a minty fresh breath decreased appetite.

He carefully made his way towards his closet and got dressed for work. Putting on his dress pants, he felt them beginning fall down. They were obviously too big yet that had made him happy. Fiddling with his belt, he eventually was able to secure his pants. He put on a blue dress shirt and a blazer. Walking back into the washroom he looked at his reflection. The first thing he noticed was how deftly pale he was. He looked like a ghost. It did not make sense. He did not always stay in his apartment, he always got out for a walk. The second thing was how baggy his suit looked on him. It was probably a good time to invest in a new wardrobe.

He walked out of the washroom for the second time and looked for his backpack. He soon found it beside his desk and swung it over his shoulder. At the same time he was looking for his keys. He soon located them on the coffee table which was where he had left them the night before. He left his apartment and made his way towards his car. Slipping into the driver's seat, McGee started the short drive to his favourite café.

Within five minutes he had parked his car and was waiting in line to get his morning coffee.

* * *

'Next.' said the lady manning cashier. She saw a skinny looking man in a suit walk towards her but something about him was off. She could not place it but she knew something was up. He looked white as a ghost and the way he walked suggested that he might not have had a good night's rest for quite a while.

'One large black coffee.' said the man.

'Sure thing. That will cost you a total of $2.45.' she said as the man handed her the money. Putting it in the cash register, she quickly filled the paper cup with coffee. Before handing it to him, she noticed no one was looking at her. Like a ninja, she grabbed a donut and put it in a bag. 'Here you go sir.' she said handing the coffee and donut to the man.

'Umm… I didn't order a donut…' he answered, taking the coffee but declining the donut. As to prove his point a confused expression was pasted on his face.

'I know, I just feel like you need a little more meat on you so here you go.' she said, thrusting the bag into his hands. Before he could say another word, she was busy talking to another customer.

* * *

McGee walked out of the café feeling both happy and sad. He was happy because the cashier had commented about his size but he was sad because of the donut he had received. Usually he would be happily eating his free donut but today he wasn't. Getting into his car, he opened the bag to reveal his favourite type of donut, a Boston cream. Breathing in and out he tried to talk himself through the situation. He couldn't eat the donut, otherwise he would be fat.

_'As if you aren't fat right now!'_ the voice in his head, Ed said.

'I can do this. I have to.' he whispered to himself. 'I came this far. I…I can't stop now.'

But all his self-motivational talk didn't help. He ripped open the bag and grabbed it. Taking giant bits, he felt the sugar dissolve on his tongue, it felt great. He hadn't eaten anything like it for months. Before he knew it, he had polished it off. It took a few seconds for reality to hit him. He had just eaten 250 calories. That was half of the calories he allowed into his body.

He couldn't believe it. Why had he just eaten it?

_Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels._

That was the quote that defined him. He knew it was true yet he still ate.

_Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels._

He had to get rid of the calories. Getting out of his car, he walked briskly back into the café and straight into the single stalled washrooms. Locking the door behind him, McGee kneeled in front of the toilet. He closed his eyes and questioned what he was about to do.

_'Just do it fatty!'_ yelled Ed.

Ed was right. He had to do it.

He stuck his fingers down his throat. At first he only gagged but on the second time he felt the contents of his stomach begin to rise. Before he knew it, he was grabbing onto the toilet throwing up almost uncontrollably.

And then it was quiet.

McGee had collapsed onto the floor. The burning in his throat was one of the most uncomfortable feelings he had ever experienced yet it brought a slight bit of relieve. He had done it. He had gotten rid of the calories.

Ever so slowly, he stood up using the wall for balance. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands. Unlocking the door, he left the café for his car. He took a large gulp of the now slightly cooled coffee and spit it out trying to get the horrid taste out of his mouth.

Looking at his watch he silently cursed. He was going to be late even if Gibbs was the one driving. He stuck the key into the ignition, starting the engine. Driving away from the café McGee made a promise to himself that he would never try self-induced vomiting ever again. But somewhere in his mind, he knew it was not going to be the last time.

* * *

**I am not that familiar with bulimia so please forgive me if I made a mistake.**

**Ed is an abbreviation of 'eating disorder'**


End file.
